This Pain is a Blessing

 It hurts.It hurts in a 'want-to-curl-up-and-die' way.It hurts terribly,but I won't cry.I won't let go of this pain through tears.I won't let go of 'U' that lives in me.I am that kind of stubborn.yes,i do smile.I do say 'i am okay' to everyone and you too because i want you(you and only you and no one else :in a way this is an extension of adulation i always had for you) to look into my eyes and know that however much i say that, i m not at all okay.I want you to hold me in your arms and let me cry my heart out.I am not delusional,i know you will never be around because you can't,you are now the part of the world,not my world.

I sometimes think this is not pain.It is something that goes so deep that it becomes incomprehensible to me.It has made me grow in a way that was totally unfathomable earlier.It isn't that it feels good or sweet,but the outcome is accumulation of a revived,afresh flow of strength,vitality and a profound appreciation of  the cosmos.

I know whatever i say,do or write,after all doesn't matters.Because those broken teeny weeny shards of colorful glass that our life was,can't be glued together again,much like irreversible chemical reactions.

I now apprehend that acting mature is like being bind by shackles,but it is the only choice offered to me under the socially acceptable behavior expected of me.I am encompassed by the ironies life keeps serving on silver platter,everything as well as nothing matters concurrently.

Baadal..Barish..Hawayein

Barish ke sath jo mitti ki khushboo aati h

mujhe tumhari yaad dilati h

abhi nahi ho tum mere pass

par barish ki bunde mujhe tumhari aawaj sunati h

andaaza nhi h ho kahan tum

par ho tum salamat ye hawayein mujhe dhire se keh jati h

sham ko ghar wapas jate baadal

meri aankhein bhar jate h

mujhe tumhari yaad bhut aati h...yaad bhut aati h...

{this was dedicated to me by my bestie...:)) }

वो औरत

उस शहर में सब लोग मुख्य चोराहे  पर जमा थे,बूढ़े,जवान, मर्द,औरतें,अमीर,गरीब ,सब रंग बिरंगे कपडे पहने हुए ,सजे धजे,सब के चेहरे पर लबालब ख़ुशी थी.शायद उस शहर में कोई त्यौहार मनाया जा रहा था,क्रिसमस,दिवाली या ईद... हर तरफ ख़ुशी का माहोल था.हर कोई अपने परिवार दोस्तों के साथ ख़ुशी मना रहा था.सब लोग गले मिल रहे थे,ब्चे आपस में  खेल कूद रहे थे ,प्रेमी जोड़े हाथों में हाथ डाले टहल रहे थे ,कहीं आँखों ही आँखों में इशारे हो रहे थे,तो कहीं गले में बाहें डाली जा रही थी.चारों तरफ की गलियों से जैसे हँसते मुस्कुराते रंगों के मेले चले आ रहे थे चोराहे की तरफ.हर कोई खुश था,कोई अपनी ख़ुशी में खुश,तो कोई दुसरो की ख़ुशी में खुश,तो कोई बस खुश-खुश.तभी उतर दिशा की गली से एक औरत चोराहे की तरफ चली आ रही थी.काले कपडे पहने,नंगे पैरों से ढीली सी चाल से चलते हुए एक उदास,बहुत उदास अनुपम सुंदरी,जैसे ताजमहल को किसी ने  काले रंग से रंग दिया हो,यां चेनाब का पानी सुख गया हो,हिम की बर्फ पिघल गयी हो.ऐसा लगता था उसके भोले से चेहरे पर मुस्कान न होना ज़माने का कोई बड़ा संगीन गुनाह हो ,जैसे किसी जलपरी को धरती पर रहने का श्राप हो,जैसे वो मौत का इस कद्र इंतज़ार कर रही थी की दुःख उसकी रग़ रग़ में बस गया था,जैसे उसने दुःख को एक ओड़नी बना के ओड़ लिया हो.वो औरत चोराहा पर कर दूसरी तरफ खो गयी.कहने की जरुरत नही किसी ने भी उस पर ध्यान नही दिया. उस दिन उस चोराहे पर मोजूद लोगों ने शिव के बिर्हड़े,अमृता के सुन्हडों के  जिन्दा रूप को  देखने  का मौका खो दिया .

The Healing Power Of Denial

denial:refusal to recognize or acknowledge the reality or existence of a thing.

(psychol) denial: the reduction of anxiety by the unconscious exclusion from the mind of intolerable thoughts, feelings, or facts

in more simple words,denial is refusing to accept the reality.

 It is helping because in case of a highly devastating emotional condition a person may have to face,mind denies the reality until the emotional condition of said person is strong enough to face the reality.

Main tenu fer milangi...

Main tenu fer milangi
kithe? kis trah? pta nahi
shayad tere takhiyl di chinag banke
tere canvas te utrangi
ya khore teri canvas dey utte
ik rahasmayi lakir banke
kamosh tenu takdi rawangi

Jaa khore suraj di loo banke
tere ranga vich ghulangi
jaa ranga diyan bahwa vich beth ke
teri canvas nu wlangi
pata nai kiss trah-kithe
par tenu jrur milangi.

Jaa khore ik chashma bani howangi
te jiven jharneya da paani udd da
main pani diyan bunda
tere pinde te malangi
te ik thandak jahi banke
teri chaati de naal lagangi
main hor kujh nai jaandi
par ena jaandi
ki waqt jo v karega
ae janam mere naal turega

Ae jism mukkda hai
tan sab kujh mukk janda
par cheteyan dey dhaage
kaayenaati kana dey hunde
main uhna kana nu chunagi
dhageyan nu walangi
Te tenu main Fer milangi...

                                                    -AMRITA PRITAM

Amrita....amrita aur Amrita (some excerpts from prose and poetry written by her)

1.Kai logon ko to ishwar kahin rakh kar bhool jaata hai, par main khud hi apne aap ko kahin rakh kar bhool gayi hoon.. jee karta hai, koi ho jo mera apna-aap khoj kar mujhe de jaaye..

 2."Tum mujhe bhale kitni hi baar chhod kar chale jao, par jitni baar jao, us se ek baar zyaada lautna.. agar bichhadna pachaas baar to milna ikyavan baar. Yeh viyog apni baari se aata raha aur saath mein milan bhi. Ant mein milan jeetega.. ek number ke fark se... "

"Tumhara vishwaas nahi toot-ta?"

"Toot-ta hai, par phir bandh jaata hai. Vishwaaas bhale hi pachaas baar toote, par use ikyavan baar bandhna chahiye. Ek baar zyaada, bas ek baar..."

3.Mujhe lagta tha vo abhi ro padegi, par vo royi nahi. Ya phir, shayad aisa rona royi jo kisi ko dikhaayi nahi diya. Dekha! Hum auratein kaisa rona ro sakti hain! kabhi kabhi mera dil karta hai, ki main bhi zor zor se ro sakoon, aur vo bhi zor zor se ro sake.....

4.tere ishq ki ek boond
isme mil gayi thi
isliye maine umr ki
sari kadvahat pi li

 5.Kalm ne aaj geeto ka kafia tod diya
Mera ishq yeh kis mukaam pr aa gya hai

dekh nazar wale,tere samne baithi hu
mere haath se hijr ka kanta nikal de

jisne andhere ke ilawa kabhi kuch nahi buna
veh mohabat aaj kirne bunkr de gayi

utho,apne ghade se pani ka ek katora do
raah k haadse main isi paani se dho lungi.

6. suchche doodh si meri muhabbat
barson ke chaval phatak ker
main dil ki haandiya me raandhne lagi
par duniya ki gili si lakddi se
vah saari handiya dhuaandh gai..

raat peetal ki katori
chaand ki qalai utar gai
kalpna pighla gai
sapna kasla gaya
aur saari neend kadva gai

ishq ka badan thithurne laga
main geet ka kurta seene lagi
to khyalon ka dhaaga ulajh gaya
qalam ki sui toot gai
aur saari baat kho gai 

 

What If You Were HERE..!

IF u were Here,may be we would be at a mickey D's or Domino's right now snuggling up to each other,offering the last bite to each other,being like "ohh,i don't want it,u have it"...:)...Or may be,we would be sitting on opposite sides of bed,staring into our respsctive lappis,after a silly fight..But anyway it would be AWESOME,cz U would be right HERE...our love is abnormal,don't you think so? we love,fight,find each other cute,gorgeous and awesome at the same time...we love each other,we care enough about each other to get enraged...i love how you can be so freakingly cute and how you make me feel like the most loved person on earth,how you can break my heart to pieces in a sec and heal it in a microsec...on the whole,i just love the way you love me,which makes me love you all the more...i cherish the love we have and i love that cuteeeeee smile you have...I Love Us...:)

Numerology: number 5 >>>mine..:)

The 5 is the most dynamic and energetic of all single-digit numbers. It is unpredictable, always in motion and constantly in need of change. Although it is molded from an almost equal mix of masculine and feminine qualities, in general the 5 is slightly more feminine -- albeit a daring, tomboyish kind of feminine, with nothing demure or submissive about her.
The 5 is extremely independent in mind and soul. She is an adventurer and a risk-taker who has a hard time staying in one place, in one job, in one house or in one relationship. Change is an absolute necessity, and yet the 5 is surprisingly loyal. The 2 and 6 are the most harmonious relationship numbers but either one will, when temptation is strong enough, cheat on his or her partner. The 5 will not. The 5 may break off a relationship due to her restless nature, but while in a relationship she will not deceive her partner. However, when she is not in a relationship she considers herself free to date anyone she chooses and has no problem going out with a different person every day of the week (and you better not try to tell her she should limit herself in any way, at least not if you want to stay on her good side).
The 5 generally does not find a suitable career until she has tried a number of different jobs, many of them lasting barely long enough to warrant a full paycheck, especially if there is any kind of routine involved; boredom sets in almost immediately and the 5 simply cannot put up with anything predictable or repetitive. But again, the 5 will surprise her friends and family once she does find her niche, usually after age 30, as her focus, energy and quick mind help her scramble up the ladder faster and with less apparent effort than anyone else. Many 5s take up careers that require travel or otherwise offer a change of environment regularly, becoming tour guides, salespeople, small business owners, independent consultants, lawyers and so forth.
The 5 can adjust quickly to pretty much anything coming her way, and that includes the work environment. On top of that, the 5 is usually tall and good-looking, charming, and charismatic -- all qualities that support her in her career once she sets her mind to it. In addition, the 5 is versatile, adaptable, smart, progressive and tolerant. Anything conventional bores her, while she is drawn to the eccentrics and misfits of society. She is a social creature, funny and uplifting, and very good at making others feel comfortable around her. She is generally well-liked and is often surrounded with friends and acquaintances. However, she also tends to polarize people and those that don't like her tend to be the uptight, self-righteous and judgmental kind.
But perhaps the most dominating trait in the 5 is her uncompromising demand for freedom in thought and action. She makes up her own mind, rebels against any and all dogmas and ideologies, and does not allow herself to be absorbed into clubs, cults, religious sects or ideologies of any kind. Her adventurous, daredevil nature may get her to ride motorcycles but she will not ride with a large group. Chances are she will be rather opinionated and passionate about political issues, but she will not be a member of any party or be nailed down in any way. She changes her mind regularly, but never without good reason. She cannot be controlled but she is flexible and can be converted if the argument is solid and makes sense. She has a healthy sense of humor and doesn't sweat the little things, but she carries her heart on her sleeve and it is not at all uncommon for her to give her heart to the wrong person, as she is not the greatest judge of character.
On the negative side, she can be selfish, thoughtless and irresponsible. She rarely considers the future beyond tomorrow or next week, and worrying is not in her nature. She tends to procrastinate and can be unreliable. However, the most common downfall for the 5 is a tendency to experiment with sex, drugs, alcohol and other weaknesses of the flesh. A desire for instant gratification can be her downfall; add to that a sense of invulnerability, lack of discipline and restraint, and you have a recipe for disaster.
The shape of numbers reflect their nature, and just as the 4 is square and grounded, the 5 is a symbol of dynamic motion. The 4 is controlled, measured, synchronized, and static. The 5 is random energy, elastic and constantly in motion. from : www.numerology.com