It hurts.It hurts in a 'want-to-curl-up-and-die' way.It hurts terribly,but I won't cry.I won't let go of this pain through tears.I won't let go of 'U' that lives in me.I am that kind of stubborn.yes,i do smile.I do say 'i am okay' to everyone and you too because i want you(you and only you and no one else :in a way this is an extension of adulation i always had for you) to look into my eyes and know that however much i say that, i m not at all okay.I want you to hold me in your arms and let me cry my heart out.I am not delusional,i know you will never be around because you can't,you are now the part of the world,not my world.
I sometimes think this is not pain.It is something that goes so deep that it becomes incomprehensible to me.It has made me grow in a way that was totally unfathomable earlier.It isn't that it feels good or sweet,but the outcome is accumulation of a revived,afresh flow of strength,vitality and a profound appreciation of the cosmos.
I know whatever i say,do or write,after all doesn't matters.Because those broken teeny weeny shards of colorful glass that our life was,can't be glued together again,much like irreversible chemical reactions.
I now apprehend that acting mature is like being bind by shackles,but it is the only choice offered to me under the socially acceptable behavior expected of me.I am encompassed by the ironies life keeps serving on silver platter,everything as well as nothing matters concurrently.
I sometimes think this is not pain.It is something that goes so deep that it becomes incomprehensible to me.It has made me grow in a way that was totally unfathomable earlier.It isn't that it feels good or sweet,but the outcome is accumulation of a revived,afresh flow of strength,vitality and a profound appreciation of the cosmos.
I know whatever i say,do or write,after all doesn't matters.Because those broken teeny weeny shards of colorful glass that our life was,can't be glued together again,much like irreversible chemical reactions.
I now apprehend that acting mature is like being bind by shackles,but it is the only choice offered to me under the socially acceptable behavior expected of me.I am encompassed by the ironies life keeps serving on silver platter,everything as well as nothing matters concurrently.
You are a fan of Amrita Pritam, or so it seems. Someone I knew also used to be a fan of hers. Tell me something Adriana, whatever you wrote, is this fiction?
ReplyDeleteby whatever i wrote,do u mean this post or the posts about amrita?
ReplyDeletewell,this post is non-fiction,equivalent to the idea of sunhere written by Amrita and that is the whole point to this post.
That someone you are talking about,i can say,must have been a too loving and soul deep person.
Adriana. I loved the post. It was going in my mind but you gave them beautiful words. I would love to share it on my FB group - https://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=group_212251665473365
ReplyDeleteCan I?
thnx.yeah..sure u can...just do mention the blog's fb page along with it...:)
ReplyDelete